A Three Hour Tour...

Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Posted by Tootsie & TwoLively

Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip.... No, that was YESTERDAY's story. Today was markedly more adventurous and/or treacherous but surprisingly, this group has yet again lived to tell the tale.

Today started with another dubious breakfast. The first day, we ordered orange juice...and got some kind of Tang-ish substance WITH ice cubes. Today, TwoLively thought she'd pick a safer option--milk--and wouldn't you know it, the milk came WITH ice! (...and gritty, granulated sugar!)

But, before anyone back home starts to worry about Traveler's Diarrhea, please note that The Travel Agent is now here. Yippee!

MORNING: Today's excursion was touring Thoi Son Island. We went on a Mekong River boat tour of four islands in the Upper Mekong River. The Mekong River has a lot of sand barges that dredge up silt, which is used for building. The boats have two eyes on the front, which watches the waves and protects the boats. The names of the islands and their traditional symbology are: Unicorn - Intelligence, Dragon - Power, Tortoise - Longevity, Phoenix - Beauty of the Women. We learned that Mai flowers bloom especially for Tet (New Years.) The grower picks the leaves off, cuts the water, fertilizes, etc. and can control it so that it blooms EXACTLY on New Years Day (and lasts for 3-4 days.)

While on Unicorn Island, we braved the buzz and held honeycombs loaded with bees and sampled some of the goods from the local honey company. We sampled herbal Jasmine tea (made to a weak strength) with a good dollop of honey, a squeeze from a sour orange, and a sprinkling of bee pollen on top--surprisingly good.

We did some souvenir shopping, Then we saw a Vietnamese Moonshine set-up, and Oz tried the Moonshine Wine (which he said tasted nothing like wine. The guide said it was more like whisky.) We saw a place where they made coconut candy--and the husks of coconut were burned to fuel the wood stoves.

Rooster cage...fruit trees...boats (see the eyes?)...red bamboo...shopping...island kids playing in trees...
candy makin'...wine tastin'

After all our walking around, we were rewarded with a fruit tasting. We ate grapefruit (sweet, not sour), Jackfruit, Hairy Cherries, Mother's Milk (what a name!), and a few others. Yummy!

Tootsie biting the outside layer off the Hairy Cherries...MarcoPolo's Hairy Cherry Eyeballs

While we ate, we were serenaded by some young Vietnamese girls, singing traditional songs.

For their finale, they sang the song, "If You're Happy and You Know It..." in English--and we were supposed to sing along. We didn't expect, however, that the last verse would be: "If you're happy and you know it, squint yo' eye..."

Afterward, we got into little canoes--called paddle boats. After MarcoPolo stepped into the boat already containing Glinda and TwoLively, and it nearly submerged, our island tour guide kindly told him, "Not for you Big Baby Boy." She gestured and summoned another boat, while simultaneously calling/ordering "Skinny Man" (aka Oz) to climb aboard the first boat, right in front. (Obviously they had not factored in our American "girth"...) Tootsie clambered into Boat 2, joining Marco and our island tour guide.

Imagine Times Square during rush hour... in a murky ditch...surrounded by jungle. We were experiencing a real-life Disney "The Jungle Tour" (except there were no safety precautions; you really could fall into the water and drown! We can swim--so maybe that's a tad bit dramatic--at the very least, you'd get a mouthful of river germs, which would most likely give you Monte's Revenge...or a mysterious disease that made you wish you really had drown!) It was low-tide, which made the river narrower, bringing everyone that.much.closer. Some boats literally had to turn slightly sideways for our boats to fit through the madness! When they tell you to keep your hands and feet INSIDE the boat... it's for a darn good reason. Suffice it to say, the Vietnamese are as reckless with their canoes as they are with their mopeds! Our boat paddlers scraped against other canoes, and we set off.

Boat 2's driver was a feisty little man, who had no reservations about scolding anyone who got into his way. The island tour guide kept her hands firmly embraced around MarcoPolo (aka Baby Boy)'s love handles. Meanwhile in the front of that same boat, Tootsie, oblivious to the spooning going on behind her, was repeatedly ordered to stand up to take "beautiful pictures"of the river ahead. Tootsie just about dog piled the poor boat driver, but did make it to the standing position. Marco, still being embraced by the gentle touch of the tour guide, took a picture of Tootsie standing up, but since Marco was only a foot from Tootsie's backside and was looking up at it... that flattering shot won't be posted anytime soon!

Totally Random and Awesome Info: We passed an island where the resident's religion is coconut! Seriously...COCONUT! We like to call them the "Coconut Cult." They eat nothing but coconut, drink nothing but coconut milk, bathe in coconut water, use the coconut husk for fuel, and have temples dedicated to the coconut. But from our view, the temples looked suspiciously like State Fair wannabe roller coasters. Even the tour guide thought a religion about coconuts was well...just plain NUTS! You could say these people are "CooCoo for Coconuts"!

Temple...or Amusement Park?...you be the judge!

MarcoPolo and TwoLively were continually ordered/admonished by the island tour guide to "Take a picture of this.... Take a picture of that..." as we were driven through a small village. We saw everything: a bamboo playpen with a small child inside, two babies "rocking" in hammocks, rice papers drying in the sun, and small random scruffy dogs.

Karen Carpenter...
Next-to-Last-Row (right side): Rice paper drying in the sun
Last picture: Tootsie apologizes to Karen for our "American girth."

Earlier in our tour, The Travel Agent's Brother left our Island Tour, so he could head to the airport to pick up The Travel Agent & Co.  So...we were on our own! After the tour, we walked down the street until we found a hotel we could eat at. Every one's menu had a different price list--and, after we ordered, the waitress came back with new prices listed for Oz and Tootsie. This meal was much better than last night's...but, still. TwoLively ordered coconut shrimp, which was basically grilled shrimp, with no coconut, no sauce. Oz initially ordered crab, but due to the price increase settled for frog torsos and legs (and Tootsie even tried it, although she made Oz debone it first.) YUCK!

Frog legs

After we ate, we hailed a taxi back to our hotel. Much to our surprise, we were literally around the corner and down the block from our hotel...not in another city like we expected! So the taxi ride lasted about 2 minutes tops. We felt a little embarrassed and lazy to ride the taxi for such a short, walkable distance.

We are anxious for The Travel Agent to get here -- but feel proud that we've made it thus far! Of course, The Travel Agent's Brother has been a HUGE help! We are going to meet The Travel Agent's family in just a little bit. We will call this adventure "Meet the Pho-kers"--but with an awesome Asian twist!

EVENING: We met The Travel Agent's family. We went to the Grandma's house first, then moved on to Mother's house. The distance between the house was probably 1/2 mile, but the path was very narrow, so the van couldn't drive the distance. So, part of our group was shuttled on scooters, while the other half walked fast (so they wouldn't be shuttled on scooters...ha ha.) We ate Pho, eggrolls, and a few other dishes. We set up Wii, and the Just Dance games. Our little nephew had a hard time adjusting to all the changes--a 1 1/2 day plane trip, a new country, different environment. In the kitchen, a ceiling tile was being repaired, and the missing tile bothered him!   

Monte and Co...bug on wall...MarcoPolo lends a listening ear

Moment of Brilliance: At dinner, we added hot peppers to our Pho--but they were beyond hot. They were more like hellaciously-inferno-scorching-hot. I (TwoLively) picked my peppers out, and absent-mindedly rubbed my right eye. Instant fire eye! I couldn't see, and tears were running down my face. Thankfully, Glinda gave me a Wet Wipe for my fingers, and some eyedrops for my eye. She stocks an entire CVS pharmacy in her duffel bag! She even mentioned she had GasX...which had I known, would've made my flight (and for those sitting nearby ;) that much better!

After we ate, we headed back to Grandma's house (where Taxi Drivin' Uncle would give us a ride back to the hotel)...and gosh-darn-it...wouldn't you know it, we ALL got scooter rides. Racing along a moonlit path, weaving to avoid potholes...THRILLING! While we waited for the last two--MarcoPolo and Oz--to arrive, Tootsie had a gastric distress moment (The Travel Agent wasn't there, either...because she was staying the night at her Mom's house.) Unfortunately, we could not communicate to Grandma that she needed to use the toilet. We tried to get her to do the universal potty-dance (mainly for our enjoyment)--but her pride wouldn't dictate it. Then, Marco and Oz were so incredibly late coming back, that we worried that something happened. And here's what happened: Oz was doin' a little Vietnamese Fear Factor...sampling the Vietnamese version of balut (fertilized duck egg) to the amazement and delight of The Tour Guide's family. Oh yes, that video will be forthcoming.