The Wheels on the Bus Go 'Round and 'Round...

Thursday, January 12, 2012
Posted by TwoLively

As MarcoPolo wisely stated, "even a broken clock is right at least twice a day." Along that same vein, today finally IS Thursday, so good job, welcome mat... 

Welcome...to The Elevator of Death! We see this mat every day...

BUS TOUR BEGINSJust so you know: we ride in a limo, 'cause we're classy like that (it's a 24-passenger bus with the word "limousine" on the front. The seat covers say "Hyundai"...so there you go!) Here's a picture of our sweet ride: 

Our driver, Hai. (Later: We dub him "Cousin"--when we finally realized he'd elbowed his way into our family unit.)

We traveled about 3 1/2 - 4 hours today, to the city of Vung Tau. Our journey wasn't particularly long mileage wise...just long time-wise (due to the potholes in the roads.) Halfway into our drive, we made a potty pitstop, and encountered:

                                                                   SQUAT TOILETS!

Tootsie said I can chalk that off my Bucket List--but she's wrong on so many levels. First off, I could've gone my entire life WITHOUT trying one of these things...and, secondly, if a potty makes it to your Bucket List, what a sad commentary on your life, right?

Before we embarked on our journey, MarcoPolo erroneously told me we were heading straight to the beach, and I should wear my bathing suit under my clothes. I wear a one-piece bathing suit, and when you're in a hurry, it's basically the equivalent of wearing chainmail. When I stepped into the Squat Toilet, the entire floor was wet--and, since I'm a germ-freak, I started dry-heaving. MarcoPolo (in the adjacent restroom) heard my gagging, and said, "I recognize that retching; that's my wife!" BTW: I later realized that it WASN'T urine all over the floor; it was water spillage from washing down the squat toilet. (I think? I hope!)

I ended up stripping off (not an easy feat when you can't step directly on the floor.) As I stood -- nekked -- in the stall, I realized that (minus Montezuma's Revenge) I was "The Fair Lady" (my aunt's friend...whose diarrhea explosion caused her to be naked in the bathroom stall at the County Fair...) Once again, Glinda saved the day for us with her emergency roll of toilet paper! That girl carries EVERYTHING in her bag of goodness. She also gave me some hand-sanitizer, and since I use a lot of hand-sanitizer, my husband, MarcoPolo looked at me and said, "I think you're an alcoholic..." So true.

We passed a kem (ice-cream) stand. MarcoPolo was jonesing for some ice-cream, so we pulled Emergency Exit over, and piled out. The texture of kem is like ice-milk...kinda grainy...not creamy...not the same as American ice-cream, by any means!

I scream, you scream, we all scream for...kem?

We had lunch at a fancy-pants seaside resort, and sat so close to the water that we could feel the spray of the ocean. Avocado Smoothies were on the menu...and my sister-in-law checked and they used filtered water...but when I tried to order it, I found out they didn't have it!  Disappointing! (But actually, it's probably not as disappointing as an avocado smoothie would really be...) Later, we walked the length of the beach, which was about a mile or so. There were tons of pretty shells...toothbrushes...dead rats...and even a few sandwich bags which appeared to contain herbs that aren't even legal in Vietnam (We've seen episodes of "Locked Up Abroad," so we weren't about to check it out in detail!)

Budda...Roadside Ice-Cream Vendor...Lunch...Hotel View..."Mystery" Bag...
Cousin... Soda Vendor...Dredging for Mussels...Sister, Travel Agent, Montezuma, Brother, MarcoPolo--and Cousin!
(LATER: This was Cousin's first family photo. Yay! Looking back, we should've seen the handwriting on the wall... Yes, it WAS strange that the Bus Driver was in our photos...and it WAS odd that he went everywhere we went...but who noticed at the time? We think Cousin had fun on his vacation!)

On our beach walk, Glinda stepped on a Portugese-Man-of-War (jellyfish.) We all took turns peeing on Glinda, to neutralize the poision -- okay, not really. She DID step on it...but she wasn't hurt. In fact, she hadn't even realized she had stepped on it until Tootsie pointed it out...

Tootsie and Marco (driftwood boulder)...Group...a nomadic Bedouin?--or Oz
Oz and Glinda...Tootsie...TwoLively (rockin' the 80s hair) and MarcoPolo (rockin' a faux stump)--and notice the Bedouin (Oz) in the background!

At dinner, I (TwoLively) proved that I'm still only ready for my chopstick permit, not my chopstick license. While attempting to score a piece of meat from my plate, in a "Pretty Woman escargot kind of way" (2:17), I flipped the meat into the air with my right hand...then caught it with my left hand. It was a fluke...but let me tell ya, it was pretty dang acrobatic, and I impressed myself. Tootsie happened to witness the event, so she turned her head to the other side, so she wouldn't spray her soup...just in time to see Glinda accidentally dip her elbow in her soup. No wonder Americans stand out...

Chopsticks...Dragon Fruit (tastes like a kiwi that's fallen in the sand)

On the walk home, Montezuma was offered some "smoke, smoke, mary wanna" as we walked past some shady characters on scooters by the alley. But why pay for it, when you can get the salty beach version for free?

In the evening, we met up with the Travel Agent's *real* Cousin's Husband (her cousin was at home, hugely pregnant with her first child), and took our Limo on a joyride, checking out the local hotspots--which, in this town, are kem (ice-cream) stands and karaoke bars. We found ourselves sampling Durian ice-cream, while watching pedestrians play Frogger (never get tired of that!) and listening to a live band perform cover songs ranging from the Eagles to Ricky Martin. We called it an early night because in the morning we are making the pilgrimage up the mountain to visit Giant Jesus (a statue.)

Durian Ice-Cream...karaoke...lit sky tram...microscopic Matchbox truck (barely taller than the car to the right)