Hello Sai Gon....

Thursday, January 19, 2012
Posted by TwoLively

At 5 AM, we hopped aboard Emergency Exit and headed to Ho Chi Minh (formerly known as Sai Gon.) Instead of traveling down the coastline, we headed through the central portion of Vietnam--so we hoped the road would be better. For the first hour, we navigated precariously windy mountain roads in the dark (which was a mixed blessing.) The roads were just as bumpy, and it was about seven hours of nonstop vibration, interspersed with the occasional catch-some-air-and-bounce-right-out-of-your-seat kind of potholes (words just can't convey how rough it truly was... Tootsie called it "4-wheeling on crack".)

We stopped for breakfast and a potty break (NOT a squat toilet--whew!) at a truckers convenience store (more upscale than that sounded... Better than a Flying J's or Loves.)  We bought some freakishly large and sweet grapefruit sections. Tootsie was jonesing for some chocolate, so she daringly bought a few chocolate-looking muffins from the display case. After we left and were traveling down the road once more, Brother noticed the muffins; he told us the store had refused to sell him the SAME muffins because they were "too old." Not good for Vietnamese, but apparently *just right* for Americans! Rrrr! The muffins were discarded, and Tootsie was out 14,000 dong (less than a dollar--but still--it's the principle of the thing!)

The central portion of Vietnam has dense foliage, and looks like the Vietnam we hear about/see in the movies. We passed an area where rubber trees were grown--and we saw workers tapping rubber from the trees. We stopped to take pictures of ginormous boulders that appeared out of nowhere. And, because our amusement always revolves around someone else's gastric distress: MarcoPolo experienced the panic of needing a restroom. When cousin said "10 minutes" until the next rest stop, we felt fearful--but to our amazement, Cousin's "10 minutes" was only 11 minutes (although that last minute seems like an eternity when you're the one in distress!) To our evil delight, MarcoPolo got to experience the joys of a squat toilet. And, at this pitstop, we also saw some people...grooming???...where Tootsie's previously uttered phrase "you DOn't have lice" would be appropriate.

Huge grapefruit sections...ginormous rock formations...
rubber trees...lice pickin'...his-and-her-toilet paper pose (we learned if you don't carry your own tp, you are out-of-luck!)

We stopped for lunch and shopping at a place that looked like a small mall (more like a VF Factory Outlet.) Before you entered the main store, your purse had to be Saran Wrapped into a safety sealed bag. Tootsie's backpack wouldn't fit into the shrink-wrap machine, so she opted out, and headed to Pizza Hut! For the record, Vietnamese shop the same way they ride scooters--crazy, line jumping, cart crashing, small space fitting, goal-driven shopping. The Travel Agent purchased some Mamy Poko Pants, aka diapers, for our 3 year-old nephew. She accidentally forgot about kilograms vs. pounds and bought diapers sized for a 10 year old! Meanwhile, Cousin rushed us along, so we didn't have time to linger at this mall (we started to connect the dots and realized Cousin always had a hidden agenda; we noticed Cousin didn't put our luggage under the bus, and saved this cargo space for the stuff he bought along the way. Then, on the way to Sai Gon, we detoured to his house so he could drop off his purchases. On the last day, Cousin had already been paid, so he was ready to conclude our day early!)

We finally arrived in Sai Gon...sweltering hot (no breeze), crowded, busy, noisy, dirty...a big city, indeed! Our hotel was slightly more expensive than previous hotels ($40 vs. $22.50) but sooo worth it! Our rooms were extremely clean; they had either jacuzzi tubs or multi-head walk-in showers, flat-screen tvs with cable, round eco-flush toilets, blow-dryers (finally!)--and it included a free breakfast buffet to boot. Glinda wasn't thrilled with big city life, and we all agreed that 1 1/2 days in Sai Gon would be enough, and as much as we'd miss the deluxe accommodations, we would leave a day early.

Shower...bed...ergo-toilet...blow dryer

We unpacked and headed across the street to the Ben Thanh Market. There were signs warning us of pick-pockets, and The Travel Agent had previously warned us many times to watch our valuables (I don't carry money on me...but hey, who couldn't use a good free groping!) It was late afternoon, and the place was crowded, sweltering hot. As we walked down the tiny, overpacked aisles, there were shouts of "Madame! Madame! Many size! Many color! Big variety" or "Big Budda, whatcha lookin' for?" and the vendors physically groped and grabbed every single one of us, trying to pull us into their stall. It felt like we were walking through a spanking machine!

We didn't videotape our initial walk-thru, which was extremely grabby and intense. Later, when we got our bearings and decided to videotape, the aisles weren't as packed as the first aisles, so we couldn't recreate the intensity. With that in mind, here's a video (imagine it x10!):

The stench inside was overwhelming: we smelled pockets of air that reeked of b.o., bodily fluids, fish, feet--fortunately this blog doesn't have smell-o-vision! (If a locker-room and a brothel had a baby...) We gamely walked up and down a few aisles, and nearly passed out due to the heat...and smell...and claustrophobia... Meat and various live sea-creatures sat out in the open air. Vendors napped in booths; some hired extra helpers who gave the literal meaning to "working under the table." We saw pedicures and manicures being given in the middle of aisles, and right next to food preparation, too. So many interesting sights to behold. It was stimulation overload! On the way back to our hotel, Glinda got goosed!

Shoppin' - Woman literally "working under the table" (see her leg?) - Sleepin' on the job
Flowers - Crowded aisle - Glinda with creepy dolls

Try crossing this traffic:

For dinner, we finally found a good Pho restaurant--a chain called "Pho24." We didn't realize there was one located almost across the street from our hotel, and we ended up walking over a few blocks, to a different location. However, it was well-worth the (unnecessary) walk! It was probably the most delicious and safe thing we've eaten so far. Glinda, our non-Pho lover, ordered a porkchop, which she had to eat with a spoon!